Happy Birthday Val! Hope you're not too cold in MN!! Wish I was there to help you celebrate!!!

Happy Birthday Amy! Hope you have a great day!!!

here's lucy trying out her new bed Bea made!

Sorry for the cross-posting, all of you should get this in email too.:)

Hello my favorite women~

Because it's Valentine's Day and some of us (okay, me) are ignoring that because we're not being showered with flowers or chocolate, I wanted to attempt to look at it more positively. It's also V-Day (see below) and because of that I wanted to send out a little something to honor all of you.

You all are the strongest women I know. Ambitious, intelligent, beautiful, motivated creatures. All of you are thoughtful, caring, kind, amazing friends and confidants. Every single one of you encourages me in a different way. I watch you with your jobs, your families, your partners, your associations, your colleagues. I don't know how or when you find the energy to do what all of you accomplish in a single day much less a lifetime. Some of you are travellers, some of you are mothers, some of you students, some of you are artists. You're all individually unique and so inspiring.

So thank you...

Thank you for holding my hand through all the trials of this past year.
Thank you for knowing when to get me tea and when to leave me be.
Thank you for being my strength when I didn't have any.
Thank you for being making me laugh, for dragging me out, for being my dance partners.
Thank you for letting me take refuge in your homes.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for all the advice.

Hugs,

beck



***************************************************************************************************


*V-Day* is a global movement to stop violence against women and girls. V-Day is a catalyst that promotes creative events to increase awareness, raise money and revitalize the spirit of existing anti-violence organizations.

The V-Day movement has grown throughout the world to include 81 countries from Europe to Asia, Africa, the Caribbean, and all of North America. V-Day, a non-profit corporation, distributes funds to grassroots, national and international organizations and programs that work to stop violence against women and girls.

Through V-Day campaigns, local volunteers and college students produce annual benefit performances of /The Vagina Monologues <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/the_vagina_monologues>/ to raise awareness and funds for anti-violence groups within their communities, from Valentine’s Day, February 14 through International Women’s Day, March 8.

The 'V' in V-Day stands for Victory, Valentine and Vagina.

This is so silly, I thought I'd share. I've been in the office all weekend, trying to write my first chapter of my dissertation (please, please, please tell me that this gets better). Anyway, very distracted, couldn't concentrated. Hair's getting in my face. Growing out stupid bangs. Pin them back with a paperclip. La la la. Leave the office 7 hours later. Go to the grocery store real quick. Go home, take a shower. Paperclip still in hair. Awesome. I've reached a new level of am oblivion. Going to the grocery store w/paperclips in my hair.

Happy Birthday Carrie!!!! Hope you have a great day!!!

Happy Birthday Miss Valerie!!! Hope you have a wonderful day and it's not too cold in MN!!!
Love,
beck and the cat pack

Amy--Hope you had a great bday!!!!! I will try and call tonight. I was going to yesterday and passed out early (sorry).

This is funny. Bill A. sent me it...
http://www.kidskuisine.com/?page_id=8

Total cuteness:

http://kittenwar.com/

We closed on the house today. I didn't even go, my realtor signed for me. Paid over $16,000 in closing costs ($10,000 in commissions, $2500 for repairs--we settled that finally, $500 in warranty, and $3000 in paperwork, lawyer fees, taxes, etc.). The seller always eats it. The buyer paid $2500. Yuck. I'm only walking away with less than $4000 profit, because J had to pay grandma back the downpayment (~$12,000). Oy. At least it's over with. J pulled some last minute bullshit about the grill (which I bought him for our wedding). He let it go with the house and decided to take the $500 out of the combined profit for himself. I'm like--I paid for it once already, so why am I taking another hit? What bothered me more about it was that he signed this agreement 3 weeks ago and I got sent it today 2 hours before closing. Cute. I could smack both him and the realtor.

I've already spent my profits anyway. Bought my first grown-up bed--frame, mattress, and everything. Cherry sleigh platform bed (doesn't have a box spring). So cute. Was delivered today (sold other bed on craiglist--love them). Can't wait to sleep on it tonight. Bought a laptop too a couple weeks ago (my first). Got a huge discount with Dell through work, so went for it. The rest is going towards the new mountain bike and savings.

Not much on tap for this weekend. So friggin' hot here (95 today, heat index 105+). Maybe a movie or something. F and I rescheduled the surfing/Outer Banks trip (for the third time) for next Thursday-Sat and then I fly out to Memphis for ESA conference Sunday and back Friday. I've decided to lose my karoke virginity there at the conference. No real good reason besides I'm going with a bunch of girlfriends and plan to be drunk. I've always harbored a secret live performance urge and thought I should get over any silly fears.

Listed my wedding dress on craiglist too. Not particularly hopeful though. Still trying to decide what to do with our rings. It's pretty sad...

Anyway, not too much else new. Hope everyone's doing well. Will touch base soon.

Weekend was good. F went down to the coast Friday night to surf for a little while Sat morning, and I stayed and caught up on me/kitty time instead. Sat. we went to a friend's house for drinks and crashed out late. Sunday we drove about an hour away to pick up a kayak that his brother bought in Utah because he found it on a kayak swap website and we're shipping it out there...he's sending his kayak here for F to use. Had a massage Sat that was fabulous and too expensive, but worth it. We were supposed to go to the Outer Banks next weekend to surf, but he'll have his daughter because of some major schedule conflict with the ex. So we rebooked for the following weekend instead--will surf more then. Hopefully we can get the butterfly thing in instead with his daughter.

J and I are supposed to close on the house this Friday, but I'm beginning to doubt that it's going to happen. We had the inspection 7/10 and received repair requests from the buyer 7/15. Some of them were ridiculous--like paying half of the estimated $$ to replace the air conditioner (~$1200) even though there's nothing wrong with it (it's just old). He also essentially wants to reside the entire f-ing house. So we got an estimate for that which was originally $1600. Then my real estate agent called back and said they didn't get it all and now the estimate is ~$4100. Um, what!?!? That's 5 months of mortgage. So I'm pissed and feeling slightly abused by my agent, because she keeps telling us to give the buyer anything he wants. I'm thinking no way in hell am I conceding $4000 to repair anything. So J got upset too (for the same reasons) and now we're playing hard ball with our agent and the stupid buyer's agent. What a pain. We're currently waiting on a 3rd estimate that shoudl come in today or tomorrow. I'm not really sure how all of this is going to get resolved before Friday...and I'm really ready to get rid of the house. J's leaving the country the 3rd of August and I'll be out of town too (at beach and then in Memphis a week for a conference), so we both really want this taken care of. Keep your fingers crossed.

Had a fab weekend with F. Went to go look at mountain bikes Friday night. I'm buying one with some of my house profit...a little nervous, because I haven't ridden in so long. Any advice from those of you who have bikes already? Then we hit dinner and a movie. Saturday we went surfing again. Fun! Little less wounded this time. Waves weren't that great, so I just practiced popping up on the board in calmish water a bunch. Sunday we went wakeboarding on a nearby lake. So exhausted...and got a major sunburn (just in time to go get bitched out by my dermalogist this Friday...). Going back into this morning was rough. The heat index for today was 100 and will be around that/or higher all week. Blech.

I'm almost done though. I moved the cats back to Raleigh this weekend. Stella managed to not pee her and Sam in the carrier all the way until a block from the house. Joy. I have 3 days in the field this week and then will move out this Thursday. I have data entry/quality checking for the crew to do in Raleigh the rest of the month. I'm so glad they can do some of this because it's my least favorite part.

We got the inspection report and repair requests back on the house. Some of them are ridiculous but we're having estimates done and am waiting to hear back. We're supposed to reply to the buyer this week. Keep your fingers crossed.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Okay, here's the weekend update. Didn't quite go as planned, but still went well. Did not get to take F's daughter, E, bfly catching. He took her out of town camping instead. But did get to meet her (finally) before they left and that went really went, so hopefully we can have a playdate soon. F and I decided last minute to drive to the coast Sunday and go surfing. So much fun, but really a lot of work. Used a long board, which is more stable but 9 ft of material for me to control. I got thrashed good a couple times, but had fun. Very sore and tired though. We're going again the last weekend of the month.

Had the house inspection today, waiting to hear about that. Otherwise we close on it 7/28. Keep your fingers crossed!

F got back from the Salmon river trip Monday. SO SO SO excited to have him home. Picked him up from airport Monday and we went to see my brother at the resort he works at. I was a little nervous for the 2 of them to meet but things went well. Had a nice dinner and left for some at home quality time. He spent the 4th with his daughter (whom I'm supposed to meet this month...) and I came back to the field site tonight. We had M/T off since Bush (blech) was on base and any of us be tempted to cause him bodily harm. He sucks so much it's not even worth getting into (as you all well know)...

Anyway, here are some pics we took visiting my brother since I haven't posted any of F yet. The last 2 are from the mt. bike race we went to at the beginning of June.

Not too much else is new. Hot as hell here and constantly raining, so that makes assessing plants difficult. Otherwise, things are okay. Hope everyone had a good time at Shan's bday celebration. Sorry I can't make it to Tahoe--expect pics!

More news soon--beck.

We got an offer on the house yesterday for full price so hopefully all of this could be resolved within the next month!!!!! YAY!!!!

Not too much else is new. Man-friend leaves for SLC and then onto the Salmon for 10 days tomorrow. Taking him to airport. Have spent last couple nights with him...yum. We have a surfing trip scheduled when he gets back. I got pics back from the bike race and will post soon.

J still sucks. He told me the other day that he had considered going to ESA this year just to tell people his version of our demise. Fun. and very mature as usual. Still sleeping with the neighbor, whose apparently taking care of our house too. Cute.

Field stuff is going well. Hot hot hot right now. Heat index yesterday was 102. Blech. Love working outside in that. At least we have a great place to live....

Hope all is going well for everyone else. Has anyone talked to Carey with all this flooding in Houston?

So we (man-friend, F, and I) went to WV for the 24 hour mountain bike race this weekend and had SO MUCH FUN I wanted to scream. We left Friday morning, drove up 9 hours through the mountains and set up camp that night. About 1000 (literally) people were camping there for the race. Great campground, although the porta-john situation was ick. I peed in the woods all weekend instead. The race started at noon at Sat and was a relay. There were between 1-5 people on a team and people each did a lap (~13 miles) and then switched off. He was on a 4-man team and did 4 laps (~50 miles) in 24-hrs. Super-fun. A little set-up intensive because he needed to deal with the bike, and eat, etc. every 4 hours but it was a lot of fun. A ridiculous amount of beautiful multi-sport guys there. Ridiculous amount. Race ended Sunday at noon and then we drove back down to NC and got home about 1 am. I stayed the night there and drove back to work Monday at 7 am and went straight into the field. It was super fun to hang out with him and have goofy conversations in the car, camping, etc. It feels a little weird, but it's refreshing and nice to meet someone different. He's a little disorganized and ADD, but hanging out with him forces me to operate in the present and not obsess about the future, so that's interesting.

Yesterday, work was going well until we got yet another storm event and got rained out. F came down last night (field site is about an hour away from home) and we cooked eggplant parm and watched the hockey game (Stanley Cup finals...Carolina's actually good) and then went to bed and he left at 6:30 this morning for work.

We got stormed out again today at noon and tomorrow doesn't look promising either weather-wise. I'm out of rainy day work for my techs...

Not too much else is new. Heading home this weekend to hang out with the girlfriends and to see F. He leaves the 22nd for a 10-day rafting/paddling trip on the Salmon til 7/2. So we're trying to jam in some quality time before he leaves.

So more field work for June and through July. No big trips planned til the end of July. Then we're going to the Outer Banks to go surfing. I'd like to try and get some more weekend camping trips in too.

House stuff is going okay. We've had about 10 showings, but no offers yet. Keep your fingers crossed!

Now that I'm online in the field, I'll try and update more often.

Hope you're all doing well.

--Love,
b

Ladies--sorry so out of touch. A little crazy here in separation-ville. Things are going okay. Could be better, could be worse. Joe's been a little difficult lately. He put up a blurb about me being his "first" wife with a link to my website on his Duke website, which I found totally unprofessional and inappropriate. He's modified it now, but not totally. Our interactions are fairly pained at the moment. We met with the realtor Monday and will listing the house on June 1. I'll be lucky to make $5000 off of it (after having paid $20,000 in mortgage already...). The best thing the realtor did was to tell us to stop trying to make it nicer. J had a mile long list of things he wanted us to do and me to pay for, so she put an end to that, which was nice. I found out J's also been trawling the local yahoo personal sites too which I think is a bit tacky considering he won't sign the separation agreement.

Settled into my new pad. Kitties love the hardwoods and at least I have windows on 3 sides, a little unusual for an apt. that small. I get to walk to work (yay!) and to the grocery store and things are a little easier now that I'm in town. Otherwise, I've been going to some pro hockey games with a buddy and am trying to get to the beach to learn how to surf.

Work's busy. I go into the field full-time June 1. So I have to move me and the cat pack yet again. But the field season is very short this year--just 8 weeks, so I can't complain too much. I have 2 undergrads again to help me (women).

Not too much else is new. My mom was here for 6 VERY long days 2 weeks ago, probably about 3 too many considering my apt is a third of the size of my house....it was a nice gesture though and we had some fun. Went and saw my brother and his house (about 3 hours away).

Thank you again to all of you for your endless support and goodies. Your friendships mean so much to me and I really appreciate all of you.

Talk more soon!
--bb

Okay, well this is awkward because it's online, but I'm making it viewable only to friends. I wish I could call each of you and give you a more detailed personal version of this but it's all too overwhelming. The last several weeks have been hell and difficult to describe in my house. As you know I've been having some issues in my marriage and took them to Joe with honesty and an open mind. I don't like the life that we have and I don't see either of us coming to a compromise point unfortunately. I am under the impression that we have drifted apart as a couple a long time ago and are currently living separate lives. While I love him deeply, I don't believe that we are in love, and I don't know how to get that back. The timing is devastating and I wish both of us were brave enough to deal with all these issues before we got married, but I can't keep looking backward and saying should have, could have...J is angry understandably and has been acting out significantly. It's not worth the details here, but his behavior has lessened the chances of reconciliation substantially. He wants resolution immediately regardless of what it is. We've both been in therapy and are going to start going to couples together also. The goal of that is more or less not to hate each other vs. trying to salvage our relationship. We've decided to legally separate. I'm moving to the field in June through July and then will be moving out of the house in August to Raleigh. He's keeping the house. Initially I thought my field work would be a trial, but he wants something more final. I'm sorry for the shock, and am not asking for sympathy or judgment, just open minds and a little support as we both struggle through this really ugly process. I'm just starting to tell people so please don't spread the news any further at this point. I realize the way I'm describing it here is rather callous, but if I poured everything out through typing, I'd never leave my desk, so I'm giving you all the extremely abbreviated version, so please forgive me. I'll contact you all soon with more details....

I talked to R today and thought I'd pass along an update. He had surgery on Monday to remove his thyroid gland. He had an 8 mm tumor on the left side of the gland, and it turned out to be papillary thyroid carcinoma. He told me that it is a slow-growing, typically non-spreading form of thyroid cancer that is typically easily remedied. Although papillary carcinoma is a low-risk cancer anyway, his situation is particularly low-risk because of the small size of the tumor. He didn't have any symptoms, and found it accidentally during a physical.

They're waiting for the results from the surgical biopsy (they did a needle biopsy initially to determine if it was cancer) to determine whether he needs to take a radioiodine pill (no real side effects) to kill off any remaining thyroid tissue. The thyroid is the only gland that uptakes iodine, so a lethal isotope of iodine can take care (typically) of this cancer even it spreads. However, the doctor said that everything looked fine in his neck and that the cancer has not spread beyond the thyroid.

Yikes! So he's feeling tired and yucky still but slowly improving.